On the death of HOLYSEE
Through a career which saw no shortage of difficulties, HOLYSEE proved time and again his worth. I remember waking up the morning after He Dies, Pt. 2 was released. I had worked closely with HOLYSEE on that album, in particular because I had kept many of the demos and original masters from He Dies, and partly because I could see music taking its toll on the man. When I woke up I checked my phone as normal, and saw a list of emails and messages, mostly from HOLYSEE’s agent, giving me the links to reviews and, in general, a taste of the consensus around HOLYSEE’s new release. It was nothing abnormal. This was the routine with every new album. When One in Three Parts had released critics had been ruthless but had given HOLYSEE the benefit of the doubt, and they understood that that album had set out to do something entirely different from the mainstream. Now, it was clear, because He Dies, Pt. 2 did no such thing, it received no such excuses. Critics were cruel. The album, I felt, had strong tracks and was nowhere near the disaster critics painted it as at the time. Fortunately, the album has warmed in the public eye since then, but it was never really the negative reviews that bothered me, or indeed bothered HOLYSEE. It was what the negative reviews implied, or outright stated, about the man himself.
“HOLYSEE nearing his end.”
“Exhaustion perhaps the reason for this album’s shortcomings.”
“Is the game up? [HOLYSEE] is an old man and maybe his days are done.”
That HOLYSEE was exhausted was clear. The man would often fall asleep at the mixing desk, and would forget what instructions he was giving to session musicians as he was giving them. But — HOLYSEE, done? Never. And he proved this when he made Haymaker, still my favourite in the HOLYSEE discography, and the album held up as equals to his magnum opus.
He never let his physical limitations get in the way of his art. Indeed, he never let any limitations get in the way of his art. It was between the releases of Sentimentality and Eternal Dream Loop that he heard his parents had been killed in an attack in Gaza. This is now at least two decades past, but I can still remember how deeply this news affected HOLYSEE. He was beside himself with grief and yet still he worked, and worked, and worked, and in the midst of that labour he produced, what was up to that point, his most innovative album yet, and one of my favourites of his to this day.
When, after TFiTBOWN, HOLYSEE was taken several times to court over his Israel comments, he was very nearly bankrupted by the legal costs. He considered, many a-time, simply giving up music and returning to the most solitary life he had lived before. I had to convince him out of it. In the midst of this legal trouble he produced his greatest work — The Ageing of Innocence — and not only definitively changed the musical landscape for good, but saved himself in the process.
HOLYSEE, in life, was the pinnacle of dedication.
Downtrodden by the reviews for He Dies, Pt. 2, he did not simply retire, citing, forgivably, exhaustion. He let himself rest and returned swiftly to the studio. He showed those that had naysaid him that he was as capable as ever at producing masterworks. This was the HOLYSEE that I knew, and the HOLYSEE that I miss.
But it was near to the end of his life HOLYSEE was struck by perhaps his worst scandal yet. He was not accused of anything, but rather, his friend and longtime collaborator Lil Realist was, and when the accusations proved to hold more weight than anyone would’ve liked, and Lil Realist appeared to be unable to answer them, HOLYSEE was very nearly broken. The last week of his life was one of his hardest. I was near to him for the week entire, as he struggled with an increasingly uncooperative heart and a friend who had, in the midst of difficult troubles, chose to bend to them and flee, rather than stand and face them as HOLYSEE would’ve. HOLYSEE himself became less talkative, more reticent even for him. At the time he had been working on the touch-ups for his final EP, Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars, and as the news about Lil Realist was slowly fed into the studio, he became more and more quiet, more and more reserved.
Following his death many theories have been put forward. This is not unusual for a figure of such influence. However, the circumstances around his death — that is, the Lil Realist allegations — have tarnished what should have been a period of memory. There have been suspicions around the timely moving of Lil Realist to the Bahamas, just as HOLYSEE passed. There have been accusations even that HOLYSEE was allowing Lil Realist in his actions. There have been theories that HOLYSEE lives, secretly, and is simply waiting for everything to blow over.
As someone who knew HOLYSEE and was dearly friends with him, let me say, definitively, none of this is true.
Furthermore, it is not only untrue, it is strictly out of line with who HOLYSEE was, what he stood for, how he saw the world, and what he knew of Lil Realist. The allegations were as shocking to HOLYSEE as they were to everybody else, as evidenced by how swiftly ties were cut when they came to light. Lil Realist was secretive, at times manipulative. What could HOLYSEE have done?
Lil Realist’s move to the Bahamas is no doubt because of the legal cases being formed, and though it coincides strangely with HOLYSEE’s passing, this is no doubt coincidental. HOLYSEE was an old man who lived a very full life. The latter part of that life was intense and his dedication to his art stretched beyond what his body could reasonably do. His heart was playing up near the end. Lil Realist is a bad man but he is not a murderer. Murder is different gravy. HOLYSEE knew about murder, suffered at its hand, and knew as well as anybody that it was a different thing entirely.
As to HOLYSEE faking his death — what can be said? Anytime a figure as beloved and admired as HOLYSEE passes, there will be those that grieve his death so greatly their wish for his returning is embodied. I myself wish more than anything that I could see HOLYSEE again. I miss him more than anything. But I knew the man in his final days, saw him deteriorate. I saw his body sitting in its coffin, watched it sealed, and farewelled it as it was cremated. If my testimony will not satisfy those that make such theories, then nothing will. There is nothing left to say.
I think that, as HOLYSEE would’ve, I should end this essay not with an endless tirade about the man’s greatness. We are all as aware of it as each other. I will instead finish with a moment of thanks for all those that have given their consolations and prayers. To know how loved he was and how appreciated he was has been an incredible feeling and has helped immensely in our grieving, and I am sure it would have knocked HOLYSEE off his feet. He never knew his own worth. I wish he did.
Farewell old friend, rest easy.
